Much like with many things in life, whether it be my job, my
aspirations, or even what to have on a sandwich at Subway, I'm a bit torn on
this matter. Apologies in advance, because this indecisiveness isn't going away
at any point during this article, I'm just slap-bang in the middle of this
certain predicament. You know what? Let me explain myself a little, in the
hopes that you'll better understand my situation.
In fact, given the ambiguity of the title, I should probably explain
that first. Long story short, I paid ten British pounds, (and to a student
that's like taking out a second mortgage), to witness a peculiar phenomenon:
The Great British cover band. Did I feel like I got my money’s worth? Did I
reckon that the band were any good? Were they a viable alternative to the real
thing? I couldn't really tell you, I was absolutely gone if I'm honest with
you, dear reader.
Oh yes, my situation. If you have a quick look over at the acoustic
lounge here at Northern Exposure, you'll understand, (hopefully). I am a member
of Round Are Way, arguably the member with the best facial hair. This entire
cover band malarkey is kind of what I do, along with four other dedicated lads
who take on this endeavour as a passion project. As such, the entire concept of
journalistic impartiality must take a back seat here; if I was to drunkenly
slate the concept, I'd be doing myself, and a whole group of budding musicians
a discredit. But if I praise cover bands as the next best thing since the
George Foreman grill, you could be forgiven for dismissing my opinion as
biased. Let me give you a little more context to get things rolling.
So, on the 4th of February for those of you using the Gregorian
calendar, myself and a few other individuals forked out a tenner each to
witness a full set of Arctic Monkeys songs covered by the musical stylings of the
Antarctic Monkeys, a cover band with a name perfectly close to the real thing
that makes you look twice if you're slightly intoxicated.
What did I reckon? Well, for the sake of for providing you with a clear
argument, and because I'm a fan of making a story out of anything, I'm first
going to play devil's advocate, (not because I'm at all jealous that their
cover band tours the country and plays venues that have lighting and security
and all that) and bullet point some negatives. I'm then going to look at
the band with a bit more of an optimistic view, ensuring that hopefully I might
just retain a future in journalism. So, prepare yourself for some thinly veiled
shite-talking, but don't say I didn't warn you. Here's my list of negatives:
1. I kept shouting 'mid-life crisis Alex Turner' at the front-man before
I went to the bar. Yes, before I went. Although I feel that this is more a
reflection of myself rather than an issue on the band's behalf. Aside from my
rather comments toward the front-man, he wielded some signature Turner
cockiness rather well. I was also a bit jealous of the fact that Mr. Reynolds
had mastered the Turner quiff when I couldn't.
2. Similarly, I wasn't a fan of the bassist's T-Shirt. Stuck out a
bit much for my liking. However, I was a fan of his facial hair, so this point
kind of invalidates itself.
3. A tenner a ticket lads? I appreciate you're proper professionals and
all that, but I couldn't even sneak into Propaganda afterwards! I also had a
mate who scoffed at me for seeing a cover band rather than watching a DJ pump
tunes out on his MacBook, (in a point which is kind of elaborated on in a
bit) so there's that too.
4. The Antarctic Monkeys' version of 'Mardy Bum' made mine look a bit
rubbish in comparison. Cheers lads, much appreciated. Honestly, you guys with
your practicing and rehearsing and doing it for over a decade and all that...
5. Leading on from my last point, these lads get to do shite like this,
as seen in the below picture.
 |
| Antarctic Monkeys Facebook |
What is this picture? Good question, dear reader. This is the chaps of
Antarctic Monkeys after playing a gig for Liam Gallagher's son's birthday, and
it's rightfully captioned, "Who'd be in a tribute band aye!". Purely
out of spite, as an individual who doesn't get to do stuff like that, this has
made the negative side of this list.
6. This experience really, really made me want to see the real thing.
But given that we can't expect to see any new Arctic Monkeys material until the middle of this year,
(at the earliest), it's going to be a long six or so months.
7. Four quid for a single vodka? Surely you can't be serious lads? I
mean, I know this was not fault of the band themselves, it's just I felt that
such an injustice needed exposing.
8. There's got to be some individuals who see proper gigs for cover
bands to be a bit of a waste? Whenever we've played a venue, it's either been
as a support for an original/bigger cover band, or doing our own gigs in your
very own local. Of course, my musical endeavours and that of these guys
are worlds apart from each-other, but some are still a tad sceptical:
See what I mean? I found at least one person who's a bit wary about the
entire concept. Forget the fact that they can't use the word 'an', or the fact
that there's always demand for old, well-known tunes being played live rather
than original acts, this Rosie is on it. At least two-hundred people rammed
into The Platform at a tenner a ticket? Of course, I'm sure the venue will have
some of that, but that's a nice pay check for a two-hour set.
There you go then. Eight highly detailed and down to earth points. And
if you look beyond my tendencies to exaggerate slightly, you'll see that none
of my points really address the important things, like musical aptitude or
vocal ability. Aside from being a bit jealous and trying to blame the drinks
prices on this Wolverhampton four-piece, there's not a lot to complain about
really. I suppose at a push, Mr. Turner's vocals did feel a bit forced, but if
they were props to him for keeping it up for the duration of the gig
Now to calm myself slightly and adopt a positive outlook. What did I
enjoy about the Antarctic Monkeys gig on The Platform?
Well, like the aforementioned Rosie, I too was a bit apprehensive about
a full, paid gig being dedicated to a single cover band, even though I believe
that most are the shit. That's not shit, that's the shit. And
these guys will proudly tell you that they're the "Official International Tribute to the Arctic Monkeys", what that means is a different matter
entirely, I can only assume that the guys went up to Turner and Helders and
politely asked them for their blessing...
But anyway, the experience itself was not unlike most other full-time
cover bands: You rock up to the gig, probably a bit late and rather drunk,
(they are only a cover band after all, right Rosie?), get an extortionate round
in while they come on, sing along with whoever you've gone with, make some
sideways comment along the lines of "yeah, they're actually alright
these", and then carry on your session elsewhere. That was indeed what I
experienced myself, but there were a few factors which I did appreciate, and
felt the need to highlight to you.
There a few problems with Arctic Monkeys. Yes, I'm referring to the real
deal here. Of course, you (dear reader) may believe the newer stuff of the
Sheffield quartet is somewhat lacking when compared to their older, rawer
tunes. You may or may not be right, but that's not what I'm getting at. Being
the latest indie behemoth since Oasis, Turner and friends have trouble nowadays
with smaller, more intimate venues without going acoustic; it would be a bit
odd going from Glastonbury and Finsbury Park all the way to your nearest O2
Academy. As such, we may never unfortunately see the likes of their early,
high-energy gigs in small pubs and clubs. You know, like this:
Yeah sorry lads, that probably isn't happening again. But what you did
get with Antarctic Monkeys, was a mix of the original band's stadium-filling
modern bangers (see 'R U Mine?'), but also rarely played earlier tunes, my
personal favourite being 'Perhaps Vampires is a Bit Strong But...'. You got
those lovely small venue vibes and the best possible Arctic Monkeys set list.
When are we going to get a proper version of 'Mardy Bum' again, never mind the
likes of their debut album tunes which never made it into singles? If you can't
see the real thing anytime soon, get yourself towards these lads. It'll even be
cheaper, closer and more frequent that the real thing too.
I may have previously thrown some derogatory comments towards a Mr.
Reynolds, (not the darts player, the Antarctic lead chap), but his imitation of
Turner is spot on: Quiff? Check. Leather jacket and shirt combo? Check. Black
and Gold Les Paul? Check. The sly banter between tunes seals the deal, and the
front-man has done his homework for his pre-song quips. The act's dedication
and cohesion is stellar, and it shows in the grace present in their
performances. I always disregard comments like "just as good as the real
thing", but these remarks aren't without an element of truth.
What I'm trying to say, in an admittedly long-winded fashion, is that if
you have a drink, suspend your disbelief slightly, and bring the right friends
with you, Antarctic Monkeys will probably be as good as the real thing. You'll
also be closer to home and have some spare dosh to spend on those enticing
Desperados offers, so really, it’s a win/win. Apologies for being weary lads,
and I'll see you in Rotherham in March. I'm sure 'Fake Tales...' will go down a
treat there.
