Who the Fuck are Antarctic Monkeys? A Brief Gander at the Cover Band

Much like with many things in life, whether it be my job, my aspirations, or even what to have on a sandwich at Subway, I'm a bit torn on this matter. Apologies in advance, because this indecisiveness isn't going away at any point during this article, I'm just slap-bang in the middle of this certain predicament. You know what? Let me explain myself a little, in the hopes that you'll better understand my situation.

In fact, given the ambiguity of the title, I should probably explain that first. Long story short, I paid ten British pounds, (and to a student that's like taking out a second mortgage), to witness a peculiar phenomenon: The Great British cover band. Did I feel like I got my money’s worth? Did I reckon that the band were any good? Were they a viable alternative to the real thing? I couldn't really tell you, I was absolutely gone if I'm honest with you, dear reader.

Oh yes, my situation. If you have a quick look over at the acoustic lounge here at Northern Exposure, you'll understand, (hopefully). I am a member of Round Are Way, arguably the member with the best facial hair. This entire cover band malarkey is kind of what I do, along with four other dedicated lads who take on this endeavour as a passion project. As such, the entire concept of journalistic impartiality must take a back seat here; if I was to drunkenly slate the concept, I'd be doing myself, and a whole group of budding musicians a discredit. But if I praise cover bands as the next best thing since the George Foreman grill, you could be forgiven for dismissing my opinion as biased. Let me give you a little more context to get things rolling.

So, on the 4th of February for those of you using the Gregorian calendar, myself and a few other individuals forked out a tenner each to witness a full set of Arctic Monkeys songs covered by the musical stylings of the Antarctic Monkeys, a cover band with a name perfectly close to the real thing that makes you look twice if you're slightly intoxicated. 

What did I reckon? Well, for the sake of for providing you with a clear argument, and because I'm a fan of making a story out of anything, I'm first going to play devil's advocate, (not because I'm at all jealous that their cover band tours the country and plays venues that have lighting and security and all that) and bullet point some negatives. I'm then going to look at the band with a bit more of an optimistic view, ensuring that hopefully I might just retain a future in journalism. So, prepare yourself for some thinly veiled shite-talking, but don't say I didn't warn you. Here's my list of negatives:

1. I kept shouting 'mid-life crisis Alex Turner' at the front-man before I went to the bar. Yes, before I went. Although I feel that this is more a reflection of myself rather than an issue on the band's behalf. Aside from my rather comments toward the front-man, he wielded some signature Turner cockiness rather well. I was also a bit jealous of the fact that Mr. Reynolds had mastered the Turner quiff when I couldn't. 

2.  Similarly, I wasn't a fan of the bassist's T-Shirt. Stuck out a bit much for my liking. However, I was a fan of his facial hair, so this point kind of invalidates itself. 

3. A tenner a ticket lads? I appreciate you're proper professionals and all that, but I couldn't even sneak into Propaganda afterwards! I also had a mate who scoffed at me for seeing a cover band rather than watching a DJ pump tunes out on his MacBook, (in a point which is kind of elaborated on in a bit) so there's that too. 

4. The Antarctic Monkeys' version of 'Mardy Bum' made mine look a bit rubbish in comparison. Cheers lads, much appreciated. Honestly, you guys with your practicing and rehearsing and doing it for over a decade and all that...

5. Leading on from my last point, these lads get to do shite like this, as seen in the below picture.

Antarctic Monkeys Facebook

What is this picture? Good question, dear reader. This is the chaps of Antarctic Monkeys after playing a gig for Liam Gallagher's son's birthday, and it's rightfully captioned, "Who'd be in a tribute band aye!". Purely out of spite, as an individual who doesn't get to do stuff like that, this has made the negative side of this list.

6. This experience really, really made me want to see the real thing. But given that we can't expect to see any new Arctic Monkeys material until the middle of this year, (at the earliest), it's going to be a long six or so months.

7. Four quid for a single vodka? Surely you can't be serious lads? I mean, I know this was not fault of the band themselves, it's just I felt that such an injustice needed exposing.

8. There's got to be some individuals who see proper gigs for cover bands to be a bit of a waste? Whenever we've played a venue, it's either been as a support for an original/bigger cover band, or doing our own gigs in your very own local. Of course, my musical endeavours and that of these guys are worlds apart from each-other, but some are still a tad sceptical:

 

See what I mean? I found at least one person who's a bit wary about the entire concept. Forget the fact that they can't use the word 'an', or the fact that there's always demand for old, well-known tunes being played live rather than original acts, this Rosie is on it. At least two-hundred people rammed into The Platform at a tenner a ticket? Of course, I'm sure the venue will have some of that, but that's a nice pay check for a two-hour set.

There you go then. Eight highly detailed and down to earth points. And if you look beyond my tendencies to exaggerate slightly, you'll see that none of my points really address the important things, like musical aptitude or vocal ability. Aside from being a bit jealous and trying to blame the drinks prices on this Wolverhampton four-piece, there's not a lot to complain about really. I suppose at a push, Mr. Turner's vocals did feel a bit forced, but if they were props to him for keeping it up for the duration of the gig

Now to calm myself slightly and adopt a positive outlook. What did I enjoy about the Antarctic Monkeys gig on The Platform? 

Well, like the aforementioned Rosie, I too was a bit apprehensive about a full, paid gig being dedicated to a single cover band, even though I believe that most are the shit. That's not shit, that's the shit. And these guys will proudly tell you that they're the "Official International Tribute to the Arctic Monkeys", what that means is a different matter entirely, I can only assume that the guys went up to Turner and Helders and politely asked them for their blessing...

But anyway, the experience itself was not unlike most other full-time cover bands: You rock up to the gig, probably a bit late and rather drunk, (they are only a cover band after all, right Rosie?), get an extortionate round in while they come on, sing along with whoever you've gone with, make some sideways comment along the lines of "yeah, they're actually alright these", and then carry on your session elsewhere. That was indeed what I experienced myself, but there were a few factors which I did appreciate, and felt the need to highlight to you. 

There a few problems with Arctic Monkeys. Yes, I'm referring to the real deal here. Of course, you (dear reader) may believe the newer stuff of the Sheffield quartet is somewhat lacking when compared to their older, rawer tunes. You may or may not be right, but that's not what I'm getting at. Being the latest indie behemoth since Oasis, Turner and friends have trouble nowadays with smaller, more intimate venues without going acoustic; it would be a bit odd going from Glastonbury and Finsbury Park all the way to your nearest O2 Academy. As such, we may never unfortunately see the likes of their early, high-energy gigs in small pubs and clubs. You know, like this: 

Yeah sorry lads, that probably isn't happening again. But what you did get with Antarctic Monkeys, was a mix of the original band's stadium-filling modern bangers (see 'R U Mine?'), but also rarely played earlier tunes, my personal favourite being 'Perhaps Vampires is a Bit Strong But...'. You got those lovely small venue vibes and the best possible Arctic Monkeys set list. When are we going to get a proper version of 'Mardy Bum' again, never mind the likes of their debut album tunes which never made it into singles? If you can't see the real thing anytime soon, get yourself towards these lads. It'll even be cheaper, closer and more frequent that the real thing too. 

I may have previously thrown some derogatory comments towards a Mr. Reynolds, (not the darts player, the Antarctic lead chap), but his imitation of Turner is spot on: Quiff? Check. Leather jacket and shirt combo? Check. Black and Gold Les Paul? Check. The sly banter between tunes seals the deal, and the front-man has done his homework for his pre-song quips. The act's dedication and cohesion is stellar, and it shows in the grace present in their performances. I always disregard comments like "just as good as the real thing", but these remarks aren't without an element of truth.

What I'm trying to say, in an admittedly long-winded fashion, is that if you have a drink, suspend your disbelief slightly, and bring the right friends with you, Antarctic Monkeys will probably be as good as the real thing. You'll also be closer to home and have some spare dosh to spend on those enticing Desperados offers, so really, it’s a win/win. Apologies for being weary lads, and I'll see you in Rotherham in March. I'm sure 'Fake Tales...' will go down a treat there. 

Monday Music Spotlight: Mega Covers

Every now and then, a band can manage to make a song sound so much like their own work that you just assume that they created it. 

And with me being the uneducated philistine that I am, I often make such assumptions without double-checking. I barely know that something's a cover version unless some helpful soul has caringly written 'Beatles cover' somewhere in the tracklist. 

Muse - Sign o' the Times

On a few occasions, the prog-rock monsters have done some pretty top covers, most notably Nina Simone's 'Feeling Good', but not forgetting tunes like 'Prague' and 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You', originally by Mega City Four and Frankie Valli respectively. If only Matt Bellamy and friends could dig out their old vinyl collections and go on a covering spree...

If you compare this version to Prince's original, you may just be a fan of the heavier guitars and mental falsetto. You may not be too, I mean, it's hard to improve on Prince. 

Oasis - Cum on Feel the Noize

Oasis have done countless covers. They also came a long way from their early days as a Beatles cover band. I mean, you could probably write an article like this purely on Oasis covers, and I'm pretty sure someone already has. 

But anyway, this is one of those songs which seems to have accidentally become classic, utilising the guise of Britpop. Slade, and this particular track, was always a big part of the Gallagher brother's childhood, and you can tell; the synchronised vocals and Noel's screeching fills set this apart as one of the better Oasis tunes.

Extra points are awarded if you're all about the live version at Maine Road, of course. 

The Last Shadow Puppets - Moonage Daydream

Depending on who you ask, Alex Turner is either the North's greatest contribution to modern music, or an absolute dickhead. While these judgement often depend on the age of the person you ask, you can witness both of these paradoxical features in this lovely cover of the Bowie classic.

I mean to start with, it's a cracking rendition, with Miles Kane even bringing out a saxophone presumably just because he can. You get the feeling that everyone at Glasto witnessing this is really into it. But, you can also tell that by a seemingly pissed Turner doing his best alcohol-fuelled karaoke version of the now sacred song. 

Regardless of which side you're on, it's a wonderful sentiment nonetheless. Although a haircut would probably do you wonders, Alex. 

Honorary mentions for this list include the numerous Oasis covers by Ryan Adams, (although he somehow managed to balls-up the lyrics, Noel Gallagher doing a cracking job at covering The Smiths, and even Royal Blood paying homage to Pharrell, (yeah, that happened). 

There's plenty of covers going around, so I may just play it safe and do a little spotlight on three more top cover songs. I may not. It's a mystery. 

Monday Music Spotlight: 90s Inspired Heavy Stuff

Before the likes of Miles Kane, Arctic Monkeys, The Stone Roses and Oasis, I was into music which could be best described as 'a tad heavy'. This isn't to say it was metal, or even hard rock, that caught my interest in music. Nah pal, it was more early Muse stuff, not so early Biffy Clyro stuff, and Queens of the Stone Age, with the odd bit of Rage Against the Machine for good measure.

These were the bands which took me from my early teenage phase of pop-music purgatory and surrounded me with something possessing a bit more volume and emotion. Of course, I'm not saying that enjoying pop tunes is a bad thing, I just happen to remember that time as one sound-tracked by songs which I now find cringe-worthy. Dark times indeed. 

So, if like myself back in 2007, you're desperately in need of some songs with the occasional distorted guitar, hopefully you'll find something here.  

Own Charter - Geometric Monster

Apologies in advance, but the video doesn't really do this song any favours. If you want it that badly, I'm sure that you know how to copy, paste and search.

When I found this on SoundCloud, I loved the track. I enjoyed how the heavy and dark riff in the verses was transformed into an uplifting chorus. It has everything you need for a rock song, until the video exposes the lyrics, which sound like a Swedish teenager tried to use Google Translate to look up affectionate terms to impress ladies. Unfortunately, this seems to be a recurring theme with Own Charter, (see 'Unknown Str.'), but in all fairness, the lads aren't native English speakers, so don't be too hard on them.

You don't need to know the lyrics. They're present, and that's all that matters really. This song would be cracking on a GTA radio station, simply for the instantaneous atmosphere it creates. 

Scary People - (It's Never Quiet on the) Western Front

Throwing impartiality out of the window for a moment, I'd just like to say that these lads are my favourite on this list, and a band that has stuck around from when I first began scouring SoundCloud for good tracks. 

These chaps from Scotland have managed to make a song which sounds half like your good ol' Rage, and half like Biffy Clyro, (and in light of their latest album, that's something we need). 

Songs like this prove that you don't always need astounding prowess when it comes to guitar playing; sometimes you just need some cracking, big and arguably simple riffs. Everything else is merely filler to get you to said riffs. 

These guys are just starting to kick out new tunes too, with their latest track, 'You're an Experiment' coming out a month ago. It seems that Scary People are doing something which alternative rock has needed for a while, and giving us a familar sound, with a few twists along the way.

FalseHeads - Wrap Up

For an article which has already compared one band to Biffy Clyro and Rage Against the Machine, you'd be right to think that any further songs couldn't get any more mental. However, life is also cruel, and you would be wrong, thanks to three London-based lads. 

When you get some critical acclaim from Iggy Pop, you know you're doing something right. The main riff of the track sounds like the triplet are about to go into a post-song breakdown, and it just continues to get more and more intense. The lads are certainly adept at championing their own brand of destructive punk-rock energy, leading the song to sound like a constant series of near-drops; the song always seems on the verge of breaking down into anarchy, but thankfully never does. 

And if you're after something a bit more relevant, you also can't go wrong with their latest number, 'Thick Skin'. Truly cracking stuff. 

Hopefully that's managed to scratch your musical itch for a week, if problems keep persisting, you should probably see a doctor. Or just be patient and wait until next week, where the best cover songs will be on display right here.

Monday Music Spotlight: Indie Delights

Have you ever used any of the recommendation systems from Apple Music, Spotify or Soundcloud? If you've listened to any music within the past few years, I can only assume that the answer is an astounding "obviously". 

They're great in theory; instead of moping around on Facebook and asking friends for new tunes, you get barraged with hopeful tracks with no hidden agendas, no mates desperately trying to get you to listen to their favourite band, or worse, their own demos. But when these systems are put into practice, I'm afraid that they're far from perfect. I mean, if you go on Spotify and view the artist profile for say, Oasis, you can't venture off too far before you're led back to the same groups. In cases like this, it seems like there's no escape from the likes of Blur, Noel Gallagher, Beady Eye and The Stone Roses.

So, with this new series of posts, I'm aiming to tackle this nuisance which has plagued our chosen music software for far too long. I'm going to give you some no-nonsense recommendations which aren't based purely on genre, instruments or artist obscurity. Or at least I'm going to try to.

To start off, we're going to look at some fantastically inoffensive indie tunes which aren't worried about delving into the pop genre. Essentially, anything that sounds slightly like The Smiths will probably rock up on this list. Without further ado, have a gander at these tunes. 

Literature - New Jacket

To start with, I'm loving the name of this artist, it's straightforward, and as an English student, I ended up going straight to it. This kind of music sounds like the kind that any literature student would delight in, and not just myself.

This tune has everything you need for a catchy song, but the first thing that hits you is the generous helpings of reverb and echo from the constant guitars. 

More importantly, this song does something that I really appreciate, and it never removes guitars from the equation. Whereas a lot of modern indie tunes use the instrument to create a catchy intro, and then leave it alone until a chorus or solo, 'New Jacket' keeps them throughout, instead opting for different effects and strumming patterns. 

Admittedly, the outro does go on a bit, leaving you aching for another chorus which never arrives. But aside from that, it's a grand medium between indie and pop. 

The Horrors - Change Your Mind

This may be a spotlight chiefly for artists who've avoided mainstream attention, but that doesn't mean I'm staying away from established artists purely out of spite, no sir. 

I took a first look at The Horrors and was took straight back to a newly-founded band called Muse, mostly for their audacious hairstyles and their unique brand of excellent tunes which would perfectly fit teenagers going through a bit of an emo phase. 

Just like the other tracks here, it's a relatively chilled song. It also seems that the people at Literature also have the same guitar pedals, but that's far from a bad thing. Both tracks have similar sounds, but use them in their own distinct manners.

Of course, with an established band, you get a sense here that Faris Badwan, (cracking name, by the way) has a definitive knowledge of his vocal capabilities, something which isn't as present in 'New Jacket'. Although, any band that has a Vevo channel probably should be comfortable with what they're doing.

Bosco Rogers - The Middle

Apologies, I have no idea what I was thinking here. This is beginning to slip into alt. rock, but with a track which manages to sound like a cross between The Black Keys and Foster the People, (a combination which I didn't even know I wanted until now), I really couldn't pass it up. 

Bosco Rogers is one of those indie-rific names which is deceptively hard to say, (for me anyway), and the group seems like one which would go straight into inoffensive clean-guitar filled pop tunes, (see Fickle Friends), or into a monotonous brand of rock which sounds like the vocalist is encountering digestive issues, (potentially Don Broco. Apologies lads). 

Thankfully, as you can see by that fantastic thumbnail, this Bosco Rogers tune falls into neither of those categories. This is how you do a guitar section in a indie/alternative tune, and it adds to an equation which ultimately proves to be unusually memorable.

If I'm honest, it was down to this, or their latest single, 'True Romance', but thanks to the little bit of extra edge in 'The Middle', their older tune has come out on top. Not bad for just two guys. 

That's it for this week, but keep in mind that these three tunes haven't scratched the surface of potential recommendations. But luckily for you, I'll be wading through thousands of bits of Spotify, Soundcloud and YouTube, so just nip back in a week and see what else there is to tuck into.

The Questionable Horizons of Liam Gallagher

Oasis is a peculiar phenomenon indeed. Despite having witnessed its untimely demise seven years ago, the varied army of fans are still crying their collective hearts out for any hints and rumours of a reunion. And until the next bit of tabloid gossip states otherwise, it seems that it is still a possibility.

Obviously, Noel's still going strong, and Liam wouldn't say no to the cash, but more importantly, the younger Gallagher seems to be adapting to his waning voice. We all know that for Liam's voice to return to its peak would be nothing short of a miracle, so I suppose we should be thankful that after all these years, he's now took to actually singing, instead of his particular throat-shredding style of shouting. 

Of course, this performance isn't exactly on par with the likes of 'Supersonic' back in the nineties, but it's certainly the best he can do with what he's now got. 

But anyway, you know how there seems to be some news which can be classed as relating to Oasis at least once a month? Well, the latest piece of Gallagher-created click-bait stemmed once again from the younger brother, and seemed arguably more conclusive than any of his previous outbursts. On the 24th of May, you could hear the quiet sound of acceptance from thousands of people, as fans came to the realisation that an Oasis reunion would likely never come to fruition. This wave of overwhelming emotion can be traced back to a refreshingly concise and direct tweet by Liam Gallagher: 

Oh, okay then...

  
Just read back through Liam's tweets around that day, and you'll get an idea of why fans are starting to completely disregard their hopes of seeing a fully reformed Oasis. So after endless speculation, perhaps we can finally see the end of such rumours, once and for all. 

As you may have gathered by the title, what's next then for Liam Gallagher?

Well, to put it frankly, I've no idea whatsoever. Not a clue. Not the foggiest. It's a mystery. 

While Noel's been off making his third album and enjoying both critical and commercial success, Liam seems to have had some polarising luck, with the split of Beady Eye and a couple of divorces. The fall from grace for Liam seems to have been a very slow and arduous descent. 

Regardless of how uncertain Liam's future appears, let's have a gander at what the former front-man could do next. 

The Oasis reunion rumours

Let's start with the big one, and have a look at this fabled Oasis reunion which eludes lovers of dad-music to this very day. 

Picture this; you're stood in a stadium of around 80,000 people, each individual slightly more mad for it than the last. Your nostalgic expectations are through the roof, that's if there was a roof on the place. You remember Knebworth, Wembley and Glastonbury, and think that this gig will be just like that, with a cracking set and a stellar performance by the Gallaghers and friends. 

In reality, they clamber on stage with little care, and apart from the odd, raspy 'Evening' by Liam, hardly any of their notorious banter or stage antics actually take place. Then Liam starts singing, and you're thankful for the deafening roar of the crowd. 

As much as we keep saying we'd like to see a reunion, what would it really be like? Surely with Liam's predicament, it'd be an event fuelled almost entirely by financial motivations. If the voice of Oasis hasn't recovered, then we'd be left with a gig that served only to spoil the already tarnished legacy of the band. 

Simply put, the voice and presence which rocketed the band into the popularity just isn't there any more. And the proven temper of Liam Gallagher certainly wouldn't help the matter. A reunion would be an emotionless, money-centred affair. It seems that the only positive thing would be a new load of fans getting the chance to see the band, and experience one of Britain's greatest musical acts in the flesh. 

Beady Eye, or something a bit more personal

The next viable option for the younger Gallagher would be for a reunion of Beady Eye, or even to delve into a solo career. But unfortunately, this could raise even more questions and worries than the great big Oasis affair. 

There's a strange problem with Beady Eye. Despite playing solid classics such as 'Rock 'N' Roll Star' and 'Cigarettes and Alcohol', no-one really seems to care about them, and as a result, the group faded into obscurity almost instantly. Since they split, few people seem desperate for them to get back together. 

There were some great ideas though, like the democratic choices which the band made, even down to their songwriting, although this consequently hindered their tunes through a lack of direction and cohesion. 

Despite all these problems, they did have a few decent tracks. That being said, most of these were covers, whether it be the aforementioned Oasis tracks, 'Gimme Shelter' or even the obscure gig-ender 'Sons of the Stage'. When all of their heavy-hitters are cover songs, there's little wonder why the band had little success in the long term. Add to this the problem that a reunion would only appeal to the most niche of audiences, and there seems little reason for a reassembling of Beady Eye. Unless you're a massive fan of Liam Gallagher doing covers...

So forget about Beady Eye. Their lack of critical success and widespread interest grounded them from their inception. So what about the younger Gallagher doing his own thing? Well apart from some previous comments disregarding such a possibility, this looks like the best option, should he want to stay in the music industry. 

Liam has always been a pain to work with, or so we've been told, but collaborations with others never seem to produce anything decent. Maybe it's best that he just cuts himself loose of any liability and just goes mental on a solo album. I'd be more interested in this than anything to do with Beady Eye, and enough time has passed to ensure than he'd have very few expectations, and therefore few people to immediately disappoint. 

Even in a peculiar setting, 'our kid' seems much more at home when doing his own thing. He seems to have vastly improved compared to the likes of 'Songbird', and given little bit of time, it sounds like he could easily make these few tracks into fully produced bits of solo work. 

Additionally, he seems to have changed his attitude towards the press over recent years, and this calmer, more relaxed Liam is one which doesn't seem suited to any grandiose reunions. I mean, if he'd retained the same manner all the way through his career, there's no chance than documentaries like these would ever be produced. You get the feeling that LG can now finally sell himself as necessary, and is no longer the one-trick pony who can only commandeer the brash, northern working-class hero persona. We're seeing a Liam Gallagher who is finally fully realised, and it's a side that I'd very much like to see. 

A life outside of music

What else could work for the man most frequently referred to as a former Oasis member? How about something completely different?

While I may have stated that he could probably do with a quick quid, I'm pretty sure that Liam Gallagher is financially sorted for the foreseeable future. The safest option may be to sit back, relax and let his other ventures do their work. With Pretty Green providing people with the perfect instantaneous LG look, and his production company trying to get to grips with a Beatles film, he's still got plenty on his plate. 

It seems that the most viable option for Liam is to sit back and have a bit of a break. Just like we tell ourselves that we really, really want an Oasis reunion, we all know deep down that Liam isn't the same polarising character that he used to be. He's not the same cultural figure that could wield expletives with a distinct northern brand of authority, and while he'll always appeal to a particular audience, he doesn't thrive in the limelight like he once did. 

We can see a correlation between Liam's musical endeavours and public interest. With every new tune, or piece of tabloid speculation, people seem to care a little less about the man. Because of this, the outcome of a solo career or a reunion could be woefully underwhelming, as people slowly lose interest in Liam Gallagher. With the persisting success of his older brother, the comparative mediocrity of Liam's work wouldn't stand up in the modern music scene which he so vocally criticises. 

To put it simply, this seems like the best option, away from criticism and judgement. While we may all tell ourselves that a sought-after reunion is just around the corner, the reality of the situation couldn't be more different. To maintain the legacy he's had a part in creating, Liam's best bet is to leave it alone entirely. 

We do need a new band to front working class culture, one which takes inspiration from Oasis, and their predecessors. It just happens that it'd be much better for everyone if Liam Gallagher wasn't a part of it. 

The Predicament of Student Nightlife

Being a student is fairly great. Granted, it seems that the government wants to put a stop to that, with talks of scrapping maintenance grants and further upping tuition fees, but in the mean time, the student experience is one which is almost universally acclaimed as being 'pretty top'.

And I for one, would certainly have to agree. Despite the constantly looming shadow of massive debt and adult responsibility, university has so far been one of the best experiences of my life, and the same can be said for many, many others too. And of course, one of the key factors of a great three years, would be copious amounts of alcohol consumption.

Thanks to £1 Jagerbombs and £2 mixers, it's relatively easy to have a night out on a tenner, something which I'm proud to have proven on multiple occasions. That being said, the prospect of student nightlife is looking increasingly grim. Over the past ten years, an alarming amount of clubs have permanently shut their doors; the Association of Licensed Multiple Retailers (ALMR) have seen 1,411 venues close from 2005.

So what's going to happen to student nights? As the figures suggest, they'll be few and far between, and how will us young people get extraordinary pissed now? Well, we may just have to resort to more traditional methods. To tell you straight, it seems that a good student night is becoming harder and harder to find. 

I've always been torn between the idea of going out to a pub or a club. Both have their benefits and flaws, and these subjective terms often differ greatly across the country. For example, a night out around Sheffield would often cost me around £50, whereas a equally good night in a series of pubs in my local town would be about half of that, (and local pubs will often treat you to music with the odd guitar or two thrown in, which is always a bonus). Of course, my opinions on what constitutes a decent night out will differ drastically from your own, so I can't really say which night is better for certain. But I'll give it a go regardless.

I'm sure I've mentioned somewhere before, but to keep you informed, I'm at the University of Lincoln. It's good, although admittedly I've not had many other universities to compare it too. However, as I hinted at earlier, the nightlife here does leave a bit to be desired every now and again. And coincidentally, this weekend has been a prime example.

If you enjoy rock, or generally alternative music in Lincoln, you may struggle from time to time. The key nights consist of Cubesday, (Tuesday), Dive, (Friday), and Propaganda, or occasionally the odd Transmission (Saturday) or Subculture (Friday). Unfortunately, the two most consistent nights are both on a Saturday, which leaves you essentially stumped for the remainder of the week, and don't say a single night is enough, because if so, how dare you call yourself a student...

The former two nights, if my memory serves me correctly, were poor, for lack of a better word. One is cheap, so great if you don't mind the possibility of getting stabbed, and the other is expensive and seldom busy. Admittedly, a particular genre of music shouldn't dictate your nightlife, some of the best nights are often had when you go out with a great group of friends and just get slaughtered, regardless of what happens to be playing. 

But, if I wanted a consistently grand night out, my options at uni are regretfully slim, there's only so many times I can hear 'Mr. Brightside' or 'When the Sun Goes Down' before they make me slip into a psychotic rage, and leave you wanting something a little less mainstream. Sure, cheap drinks and the opportunity to meet new folks is good, and is often something which you don't get in pubs, but how do the free houses and bars back home compare to the student-centered nightlife of Lincoln?

You'll have to forgive the informal focus and first-person references in this article, but I can't see many other options I'm afraid. Back home, nights are of equally reputability. Clubs are essentially a miss here, so it's better to boil this discussion down to a pub and club comparison. 

Of course, a round back home is notably more costly, more so than the student-friendly campus pubs, and if you're not a fellow who can understand the broadest of Northern accents, be ready to have a plethora of dirty looks thrown in your direction. But, unlike the Lincoln scene, the nightlife of this particular small town is fantastically Northern: There's live bands covering all types of music, most days of the week. There are jukeboxes, which are essentially non-existent in Lincoln. There's even £1.50 pints, and more importantly, friends that you haven't seen in ages. All these factors add up into a solid night out. 

Pubs are great, in all their different varieties, and for all their unique flaws. I can't think of a building much more welcoming that a Wetherspoons, (possibly a McDonalds when you're abroad, but that's a different story). Not much can top the consistently cheap deals of a 'Spoons, and the chain itself is a brilliant concept; rock up for either a casual drink and a curry, or proceed to get suitably pissed. No-one at a Wetherspoons seems to care, nor judge, it's a church of inebriation, and that church also happens to be a wonderfully restored market hall, theater or bank. If a consistently welcoming atmosphere or reliably cheap prices don't appeal to you, think of the impact of a Wetherspoons on the local community, and I mean that in a good way...

Pubs bring people together, in a rather casual and friendly manner. If you've noticed that your local Spoons is refreshingly lacking when it comes to music, it's because a conversational atmosphere is king to whatever's currently in the charts. And that is one thing that I hate about clubs. Not the sticky floors, the intrusive gentleman in the toilets, or even the less than favorable characters, it's the atmosphere and lack of communication.

In an age which highlights the worrying lack of understanding when it comes to consent, pubs are still welcoming places of chivalry and manners; I've never once been spoken rudely to in a pub, or barged past. Everyone manages to remain content, even when pissed. Clubs, regardless of the music they play, still stand as somewhat intimidating arenas, in which jumped-up lads jostle for position on a hierarchy that only exists in their heads.

Your average club, (please note, while I say 'average', this isn't a description of all clubs), tends to be a dark and crowded place, abiding to a wave of lad culture which should've been vanquished from existence as soon as it became a thing. Every time I've ventured into the wilderness of such a venue, I can guarantee that you'll bare witness to one of two crappy practices: Firstly, you may witness a guy trying to dance or grind on a woman with a begrudging look on her face, which I always find to be both awful yet amusing. This amusement isn't from the position of the woman, it's the desperation of the male, who can't conjure any basic conversation, so he subsequently proceeds to just rub his genitals over his chosen lady. How lovely. Are you that worried that if you open your mouth, this poor soul will immediately realise how much of a shitty person you are? 

The second, and arguably worse practice that I encounter, is that you'll always see someone stirring shit, or trying to start a fight. I can seldom think of a night in which I haven't seen one of these things occurring, unfortunately. I appreciate that alcohol makes people behave differently, but surely if people in clubs learnt how to use their words, everyone would be much better off in the long run, with no trips to A&E. 

All this unnecessary hostility does make me wonder, why do people bother with clubs at all? Then I remembered, it's not really a case of the venue, more the people you go with. Admittedly, the aforementioned £1 Jagerbombs are a bonus, but some of the best nights out I've had have been with people that are great to be around, and because of this, we've endured some of the worst venues with a smile on our faces. If I had to sum all of this up in a sentence, I'd stick with that idea; it's not the venue, it's the people that make a night out.

While that middling perspective does seem pretty obvious and predictable, recently, I've discovered a new medium which has led to nothing but cracking nights for me. I don't know what these places are classed as, but that simply doesn't matter. I'm talking about places that somehow straddle the line between pub and club, mixing the perfect atmosphere with music and decent prices. Maybe it's the creeping adulthood which is causing this change of heart, or maybe it's a reality of nightlife. Places like Lola Lo's and Subculture, (for Lincoln anyway), have given me my answer to this debate. I've never had a bad experience at these places, and I can't see one happening anytime soon. And I mean, Subculture is held in a really nice waffle house, how can you say no to that? 

I can assure you, this isn't a sponsored post. Of course, the right group of friends is essential, but a location which combines the best of both worlds really manages to turn a solid night out into a great one. 

So if you want something different, which isn't your usual battle between rock and pop music, go somewhere new, where no-one has been before. Venture into the inebriated unknown, and you might just find yourself a new favourite place. And if you simply can't be arsed with such exploration, there's always one of the places that I just mentioned. Props to them for having something unique, and for providing a haven for tired individuals such as myself. 

What Did You Expect from The Stone Roses?

Twenty-one years is a very long time. As someone who has yet to reach that magical age, I can’t even properly comprehend it.

However, in that space of time, the world has changed a great deal, and more importantly, so has the music landscape of Britain. Since we last saw The Stone Roses, their previous single, also a personal favourite of mine, was ‘Begging You’, released in 1994. We’ve seen the rise and fall of the Britpop movement which arguably muscled the Roses out of prominence. We’ve seen new bands like the Arctic Monkeys and Kasabian rise to maturity, headline festivals, and subsequently retreat to their back to their positions as key players in British music. We’ve also witnessed the reunion of the four-piece back in 2011, taking the world by storm and leaving fans itching for new material to stick their teeth into.

And it seems the stars must have aligned, because they released the new single, ‘All for One’, just six days ago, polarising fans in the process.

With a series of massive shows on the horizon, it seems that interest in The Stone Roses is as high as it ever has been. Get out your bucket hats and anything with Adidas all over it. Dust off your lemon-themed merch and your Pollock-inspired prints, because it seems that this summer will be the home of a Madchester revival, fronted by the chief figures of the movement. Some tabloids are even predicting a new album to drop soon, coinciding with their summer gigs. I mean, with streams of The Stone Roses’ material increasing by 500 percent, it seems that the sudden appearance of a new single may have very well attracted a whole new younger audience for their work, alongside older fans who were involved with the band in their earlier years.

It really is a cracking time to be a Stone Roses fan. But if there’s so much love for the Manchester band, why are people utterly divided when it comes to ‘All for One’?

The first thing that hits you in this track is the riff, and with this being The Stone Roses, I’d be a tad surprised if it was any different. You’re immediately struck by Squire’s distinctive playing, taking you swiftly back to the nineties. It reminds me of the gap between their eponymous debut album, and Second Coming, with the sound reminding you that the group have had a lot of time to practice. It certainly provides a solid foundation for a memorable Stone Roses tune, with its original and catchy riff, something which is bound to get thousands of fans jumping at the Etihad later this year. 

The one understandable quarrel that many have with the new single would be the lyrics, which have been almost universally panned. Between the repeating jingle of "me", "be", "see" and "family", along with an opening line which could've very well been scribbled down five minutes before recording, there's not a lot of lyrical love for the new track. Although, chances are you'll remember the words for how bad they are, and that definitely won't stop tens of thousands of people from singing them. Despite these judgements, the song is undeniably optimistic, and this makes it all the more potent, especially when we've been deprived of new Stone Roses material for so long. If you're longing after masterful lyrics, have a look back at their older stuff.

The format of the song makes sense, or at least by Stone Roses standards. The chorus is a simple three-chord affair, with some easy to remember lyrics; there aren't any adventurous rhymes or complex meanings behind any of the lyrics, as to be expected. The chorus repeats until a welcome stop, which then holds you in place for a blinding solo. 

If you're still not getting the gist of this article, 'All for One' is exactly what it needs to be: A simple, no-nonsense deal which brings attention back to the band, while providing us with a tune which instantly sounds like The Stone Roses with very little effort. Thankfully, Brown and friends haven't tried anything new, or at least not yet. All of their experimental bits and pieces can stick around as B-Sides or filler album tracks. That being said, 'Begging You' could be classified as a little on the experimental side, and quite a few people are fans of it. 

Ultimately, can't we all be happy that there's a new lot of Stone Roses material on the horizon? It's a miracle that the band haven't permanently tarnished their legacy with their third coming. They're not returning to be the band which pioneered a new wave of indie music, they're too far gone for that. They're returning for a giant, feel-good nostalgia trip, and so far they're doing just that. Alternatively, the four of them could be bored and skint, but let's look past that and keep an optimistic outlook. If you've got a problem with the new tune, rather than immediately going with the flow and slating it, why don't you simply ask what you expected of a band who've been stagnant for the best part of two decades?

Regardless of what you think, 'All for One' could've been worse. A lot worse. I just hope they keep this going for the summer of the Stones. 

A Brief Gander at a Lincoln Ghost Walk...

I've always wondered who actually indulges in ghost walks, haunted house experiences and trick or treating; my initial guess would involve two distinct demographics; children, and people who intend to get shitfaced later on in the night. Apparently, I must fall into the latter category.

Two days before Halloween, me and a few friends thought it'd be a good idea to see what the fuss is all about. Surprisingly, in the 21st century, stuff like this (while quite seasonal), is still quite popular. I mean this particular group does tours all year round at 7 PM, Wednesday through to Saturday. I imagine the walk becomes pretty boring when you're trying to avert the eyes of the guide all by yourself, but still I must admit, they do seem like a rather dedicated bunch.

So, it's Thursday, (the 29th of October, to be precise), and after a hurried walk up Lincoln's aptly and imaginative named Steep Hill, (points for originality there), we meandered for a while in the square outside the Cathedral. A square which is normally relatively quiet is now host to around 200 men, women and children, all stood around in the cold with a somewhat perplexed look on their collective faces. While I was going into this experience with a very reluctant attitude, I assured myself that a turnout this big, and with claims that their stories had been shared on radio and TV, that the walk would be at least somewhat believable and legitimate; unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

The night began with a sizable crowd, a mass of people which would mistake you into thinking something important was occurring. Admittedly, the night was home to some low fog which encompassed the cathedral, so if you were into this kind of thing, the atmosphere must have been pretty great for you. I've no idea how she managed it, but the guide for the party of a few hundred managed to stand a tad taller than the rest. In a black cape and fragile glasses, everyone assumed she was selling tickets, but quite frankly, it's not like you actually needed one. For a receipt-less £4, you were granted a ticket with nothing more than some information from the company behind the walk, and even then, just their email, website and contact number. 

Truly spooky stuff.

Unfortunately, I don't know if I'll be treasuring this ticket for the foreseeable future. After a less than ideal first impression, the guide who described herself as "Harry Potter's Grandma" in an attempt to gain a few laughs off of the kids, bellowed to the group that the tour had begun, before directing our eyes to the nearby Widow Cullen's Well pub. Apparently there's a dead body at the bottom of the well, not that any of us actually ventured into the pub to have a look, but regardless, it was gripping stuff for the first 30 seconds. 

Myself and many others then continued onwards, with an unjustified wave of optimism, guessing and hopelessly assuming that the tour would pick up the pace. The next stop was only a few dozen feet away, at a nearby hotel. The capturing narrative for this locale was that of a key which shot across a room, shitting up a patron in the process. How this underwhelming tale managed to leave the walls of the hotel and make its way to this guide, I have no idea, but it was the next step on this increasingly underwhelming adventure. To make matters worse, and possibly because the climate of Lincoln appreciates some pathetic fallacy, it had now started to rain...

Another two stops went by, both equally forgettable but with a single exception; a drunk gent had joined the fray, and was stood among the kids at the front of the crowd, with a girlfriend who had a look varying from 'playful and self-joking' to 'distressed and murderous'. At this point, this gentleman, with his well-timed quips between pauses in the guide's stories, becomes the central attraction of the tour, reimbursing out four quid through a series of laughs which were only matched when my mate laughed in the piercing silence of a particular character named 'Mrs. Biggerdyke', which does seem surprisingly legitimate.

An hour into the 90 minute tour, and becomes woefully clear that this poor lady is ill-equipped to handle such a crowd; she begins rambling about different dimensions, of "civil war people", and of a particular "staunch royalist lady", (a phrase which initially draws me in, but is then ruined by the guide's countless repetition of it). At this point, I'm assuming the guide has built up some kind of connection, or at the very least, feels comfortable with more informal conduct in front of complete strangers, but that just wasn't happening here. All these little pieces of bullshit and links to the real, tangible world were presumably meant to draw us into the story, to help us suspend our disbelief, but some odd spouts of stuttering, some unchanging lexis and narrative inconsistencies quickly put a stop to that.

We could sense the end was near; we were now approaching the ominous cathedral, layered in fog and a dazzling of rain. Even if the story was awful, it'd still make for a bit of a spectacle at the very least. After trekking down narrow roads and dark pathways which I'd never seen before, the building came into sight. Anyone who's ever been near Lincoln and seen this marvel will know how it's portrayed, lit up like the centerpiece of the city, so I began to get my hopes up for the first time in the night. 

But then, we just stopped. Down a miserable road with the cathedral in sight, the diminished party came to a standstill, and we were told one last story before being sent on our merry way. We didn't even go into the cathedral...

Note the drunk gentleman beneath the clear umbrella

As we had done before, we laughed at the stories themselves, and how terribly unbelievable they were. We had a giggle at the drunk chap, and at why people even come to these superstitious events anymore, (because, I mean, we'd come out of a sense of irony, right?).

Yet after I'd proclaimed, "Pub!" and we'd took refuge in a local guest house, I got thinking: At four quid for a useless ticket, and assuming that around half of the group had paid, this 90-minute exhibition of implicit extortion had garnered a good £400, for a job which everyone was stating they could do. Everyone then went quiet, and with a internal though of "shit", we went back home. 

It's all well and good us slating things such as this, ghost walks and haunted houses, but as with annual atrocious game releases and the latest Paranormal Activity film, if some people demand it, then why not supply it? And make a good few quid in the process.